August 13, 2010

Whole New Start

Well, I did it. Here is my blog.
I figured since this was such a huge step in my life (like if I was a tyrannosaurus rex bounding over the lush landscape of the North American continent after its delicious prey millions of years ago--that kind of a huge step) I may as well just do a whole massive make-over while I'm at it.

Step 1.  Hair

Now, this can be the number one subject that will either make or break a make-over. A hair style has everything to do with your "look". With so many different styles and cuts and colors and products you can use, there are a countless number of options that one can choose from when changing hair styles. Girls have it a little easier...or maybe a little harder (?) than guys. (Easier: more to choose from, more they can work with, more they change without looking like a homosexual or transvestite. Harder: more to choose from, more they can work with, more they can change without looking like a homosexual or transvestite, basically too many decisions). Don't get me wrong here either, I know there are a lot of different styles for the gentlemen as well, but more than half probably just shouldn't be done.
Ok, let me give a few minimal examples:


Shoulder Length


French Curl
Poofy (or Pouffy as spellcheck would like to think)


Neon (this pertains to anything, really)
And...Zebra-striped (??) (apparently a "scene" fad)

Oh, and that's still not all... Hopefully you see what I mean. I had no idea what to do with myself. First of all, of course, I have no money. I am a working (although not at the moment) college student with one (count 'em) roommate. So going to a salon was just right out. I have usually done my own hair in the past anyways though, so I probably wouldn't have gone to a salon anyway. But that's beside the point. I was thinking of doing something really really different. I wanted to start a whole new fad of my own where other people would copy me. But at the same time, I didn't want to drastically change the length or anything. Hmm.....this took some time, no doubt.

Step 2.  Skin

Ah, yes. Everybody loves summer vacation so they can spend all their time laying out in the sun and getting as dark as they possibly can to the point where people will think they changed races. Most people, unless they live directly on a beach or nearby, or have a butt-load of money to go travel to one all summer long, then they are stuck indoors working and the like, not getting tan. Well, thanks to our glorious society that bases lots of things on looks, we have indoor tanning. I would really like to meet the person who invented the first indoor tanning bed, ask them how they came up with the brilliant idea, and shake their hand. I would also like to see what their skin looks like, and whether you would be able to tell them apart from big brown leather duffle bag. 
Anyway, I have not had much time, or effort, to go lay out in the sun as much as I would've liked to this summer. So...I decided to try out one of those indoor tanning bed things for myself. I went, I spent, I lay on a burning surface caked with other people's sweat, I waited. I did not get as dark as I hoped. In fact, I even put on one of those little playboy bunny stickers they have for free to see the difference, and the outline had disappeared in two days. 
I was almost at a loss, and then I thought, "Oh yeah, there's something like indoor self-tanning lotion!" Well, I figured I may as well give that a try. I feel pretty satisfied with the whole deal so far...

Step 3.  Teeth

The last part to my little self-make-over here involved a lot of bleach, a lot of pain, and my teeth. I thought about going to the store and buying those Crest Whitening Strips, or something like it. I've always seen ads in magazines showing how much they really improve your smile. But when I got to the store, I saw the price. It was pretty disappointing. Then I checked other brands. Also quite disappointing. Remember, this girl has nooooo money. 
So I went home and pondered. Then I had it: Bleach! Of course. It's cheap, it's easy, and it's right here in my own home. I figured the best way to do it would probably be to pour some onto my toothbrush, then swish with it for an extra soak. Let me tell ya, I have never felt such pain in my entire life. But, I did get sparkling little pearlies! 

So, take a look for yourself. I'm pretty proud, myself, and I truly recommend it.

Before:                                                                                                              After:


So, as you can plainly see, there was much improvement. Oh, and on the hair, I decided just to richen the color, add extensions, and do the "pouffy" style. 
I hope you all go out and try this for yourself, I'm sure you'll love the results! I think it makes me look like a celebrity almost. It also showcases my awesome ability to use Photoshop.

I would love to hear about other people's self-make-overs that they are doing, have done, or should do. Real life experiences are always the best. 


  1. Hey now - some of those homo tranny hookers look pretty darn good.

    Okay - you're right. They look like homo tranny hookers with bad wigs.

    (puts away photo album)

    (and cries)

    At least I'm not Snooki. There's always that.

  2. Yay for your new blog.

    Yay for your new awesome skin tone!

    Yay for everything!

  3. Michael: hahaha....sure.....*nervous laugh*
    Nah, I do agree, SOME of them can pull it off. And just to be clear, I have absolutely no problems with homosexuals. At least the time this lesbian tried to punch me just for dancing near a gay dance club...bitch. But otherwise, no problems at all. And yes, "Snooki"....I still don't really know who she (it) is.

    Charles: Yaya! You really like my new skin, babe? I did it just for you. Well, and the blog.

  4. As far as Snooki goes, just take a tube of Jimmy Dean Sausage and put it in clothes. You've got Snooki.

  5. You and Charles should rethink your fascination with using chemicals that burn your body parts. Nair was not meant for the scrotum, and clorox was not meant for the pearly whites. Nair for legs and clorox for stained underwear. It's the way nature intended.

  6. Hahahaha.
    Michael: Ok....that explains it all.

    Ron: Yes, nature intends a lot of things that go disregarded. (I didn't really put Clorox on my teeth....but I did some real bleach that's meant for your teeth from the dentist, and it HURTS.

  7. My salon presence is a rarity. I go there about twice in five years. I hate coloring my hair... I am thankful to have a friend who is a stylist who goes to where I am and chops it off for me. And if I couldn't wait for him anymore, I cut it myself. Moral: Befriend a hair stylist.

    Skin: I'm tanned all year round. If you are in Asia, most women will do the quite opposite. They would inject glutathione meds, use papaya soap and use whatever whitening product exist. A lot of them palpitate when they get out in the sun for fear that they will get dark. Don't ask me why? I still don't get it. I love the sun, I love the beach.

    LOL okay, clorox, I haven't tried. I shall tell you if the cigarette and coffee stains are gone. :)


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